Saturday, June 07, 2008

Sin

She shares the blame
For Adam's fall
So secure, attractive
Brilliant in a certain view
The essence of Enlightenment

I see her raise her head
Now so ugly
Now too beautiful

But she won't stand
On her own feet
She pulls us into the mud
Touch so gentle
Hands so strong
Guilt so heavy

To where the air
Is sifted through dirt
And each laboured breath
Drags slowly down

I won't wear a frown
For her
I won't hide my eyes
When she writhes
When I can see
Her hideous beauty
I will hold my cards
Close to my chest
And call her bluff.

12 comments:

Scratch said...

I dislike.

Brass Baboon said...

Heh. Howso?

Try to be more constructive with your criticisms....

Or something.

Yay for FOTC

post-it said...

meeh i dont really like it either.. ya have dun way better ones b4!!!!

Melabo said...

like be more contructive with yr feedbak man!!

Scratch said...

er ok. I just dont like the lanuage, except for:
"But she won't stand
On her own feet
She pulls us into the mud
Touch so gentle
Hands so strong
Guilt so heavy"
It seems to come from conversations that we have shared.
Not that that's a good thing necessarily.

Scratch said...

And i dont like the analogy of a woman. Lol

Brass Baboon said...

Hokay. I thought i replied but it's been et.

Lemme see.

Whell, firstly as a guy, a woman seemed an apt metaphore. Plus the link to Eve.

ANd second, do not be so quick to think your perspective is so unique. I was indeed writing from me own perspective.

post-it said...

meeh ctnt find words sorri i really would i could tell ya in person.. to long to write.

Brass Baboon said...

It's a deal. Will ax on Monday. Or did you bring it up Friday?

post-it said...

i am not sure, when would i have bought it up?

ohk munday sounds like a sweet time to talk this one through.

Scratch said...

I'm aware that my perspective is not so origonal. None of them are really.

post-it said...

I dont like the line "she pulls us into the mud"

 I'm bad at vulnerability     I like to tie off places  Where mess might hide Might wander in to introduce themself Until I'm all kn...