How do I lose myself?

I am not easily misplaced
Or forgotten,

Arriving as I do
Before even the curtains draw
And that first morning jug boils,
Bleary, yes
Grudging, at times
But always

I cannot leave me 
In my other pockets
Discovered by sharp inhale
As the ticket conductor arrives
Or the door holds me out.

Yet a casual tragedy plays out
All-to-often
The irretrievable slide
I am Goody Gumdrops 
Freed from coned confines
Straining to the floor.
I am the first whispered realization
As chair upends the strict hierarchy of repose
And painful equalization beckons.

I am my own nostalgic present
Unwrap this moment
And perhaps
I'll find me
Arrived already. 

Or just
My own muffled music playing
On the far side of my own wall.